Fighting Mediocrity

For the last several weeks and months this blog has been a shadow of it’s former self. I used to write at length about nothing in particular – I used to be good at it. Of course it might be that people didn’t read the huge swathes of mundane clap-trap that I routinely wrote, but it somehow feels that I’ve lost my way.

I’ll hold my hands up and admit – in recent weeks I’ve been fishing old posts out from years past, dusting them down, and presenting them as new – purely to have something to post on days when “I couldn’t even”.

I think John Lennon is often quoted as having said “life is what happens while you’re making other plans” – the last few months have felt like that. The last few years, if I’m honest. I’ve become a master at not thinking about things too much.

I get up each day, go to work, come home, do chores, and go to bed. Day in, day out. Week in, week out. Month in, month out. Weekends don’t really happen any more – they are either spent on the touchline of children’s sporting fixtures, or waiting to put load after load of school clothes through the washing machine and tumble dryer. Over the next few weeks the garden will burst into life once more, and more hours will vanish trudging along behind the mower, or extricating myself from thorn bushes while trying to avoid the entire place turning into a jungle.

All of this “life” means there’s very little of me left to share in blog posts, let alone keep in touch with more than one or two far flung friends. I used to keep in touch with so many people – firing instant messages back and forth, sharing idiotic candid photos, and emailing huge brain dumps to each other about life, the universe, and everything. Nearly all of that has stopped – or rather slowed to a trickle.

I don’t know what to do about it. A part of me says “you should make time”, but then that’s the same time I should be making to go running, or to do a hundred other things – time I haven’t managed to find for the last few years. I often feel like some kind of busy idiot, watching everybody else getting on with their life while I slowly grind myself into the ground – of course it’s not everybody else at all – but you still feel crappy about whatever you’re doing at the time.

For once I have no inspirational up-swing at the end of this post. It’s pretty depressing really. Maybe for the moment I just need to keep coming back here from time to time and emptying my head when opportunity arises. Maybe just doing that is enough for now. It’s better than nothing. 

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