Big Thoughts

Several years ago – before children, when time was a thing to be toyed with and spent frivolously, I would write long, rambling blog posts about life, the universe, and everything inbetween. I would empty my head through the keyboard as easily as turning on a tap – churning out 750 words with relative ease. Granted, I wrote 750 words in order to post to the website “750words”, but that’s besides the point.

I used to have important things to say – or at least I thought so.

These days I’m lucky if I get ten minutes late in the evening to write the literary equivalent of “I’m still here – not sure how – but I am”.

I used to have big thoughts about important things. I read books about philosophy, science, and history. I had dinner with friends, and talked into the early hours – stories from childhood, dreams for the future, and hopes for tomorrow.

These days I’m pleased if I can find two socks that match.

I’m not quite sure what happened to that happy-go-lucky guy. I’m sure he’s still inside me somewhere – probably bashing silently against a window, demanding to be let out. He’s been pushed aside by a house, children, a career, and the enormous adventure of “making up parenting as I go along”.

I’ve never read a parenting book. People tell me I’m a great Dad, but when you’re in the thick of it, you don’t really compare or rate yourself – you just get on with it. I remember when some of our friends had their first children, and they obsessed about this chart, or that percentile, or the other signal for exceptional ability. I thought they were all mad. I still do.

We adopted. We couldn’t have our own children – the story, spread over perhaps three years – is told in the catacombs of my blog. We went from zero to three children overnight, and life as we once knew it was blown away like a scene from the Trinity nuclear tests. I think a lot of those big thoughts about life, the universe and everything might also have been blown away. Perhaps not lost entirely – just blown around a corner to be dusted off, and re-discovered one day.

I sometimes wonder when that day might be.

4 Replies to “Big Thoughts”

  1. I was adopted at 4 days old. It still annoys me when mom makes a point of clarifying this to people. She says it with…great pride or something. Makes my blood boil. Why can’t she just say “this is my daughter “ and leave it at that?

    But anyway that wasn’t the purpose of my post. I wanted to say that I hope when the kids are older and more independent you will once again have lots of time to spend however you please.

    I don’t know you and can only judge the parenting moments you share but you seem to be there for your girls when they need you and they seem to seek you out so that says a lot. And you take them places and do stuff with them even when you’re exhausted. And you listen to them or at least pretend to 😉 and that means A LOT. So yes, you are high on the Good Dad chart.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 3 kids overnight is nothing short of a huge, life-altering accomplishment. 😊. I’d say more but I’m outside digging up stuff and in a state of mental fatigue but I will comment again. You know i will. 🙃

    Liked by 1 person

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