Today didn’t slow down, and certainly didn’t stop. The morning was spent filing expenses for last week’s adventure in Germany, and the afternoon knee deep in source code and flowcharts. Tomorrow will be more of the same, along with conference calls and meetings.
I sometimes wonder how many years of software development I have left in me – how much enthusiasm remains. There are days when I leave the office filled with optimism, but there are also days when I watch the clock, and wonder if the grass might be greener elsewhere. I’m told I am good at what I do – but am no longer sure that I want to be doing it. Of course the bills need to be paid though, and it’s a bit late to start a second career.
Maybe I just need an escape. Something that is my own. Starting running is appealing – as is writing. Not the blog – stories. Writing has been back on my mind since the weekend, because I saw mention of NaNoWriMo – the idiotic challenge to write a 50,000 word novel during November. I’ve had a couple of goes at it in the past, and failed spectacularly both times. Attempting it again this year would be ridiculous, because I already know I’m scheduled to return to Germany during November. Never say never though, right? The idea of getting to the 1st of November with no idea what I might write about is appealing in a perverse sort of way.
I’m feeling a bit better today, by the way. If you’ve been reading recently you will have seen a number of soul searching posts. I’m pretty good at pulling myself up by my own boot-straps, and that mechanism seems to have kicked in today. I don’t stay down for long. I am having another early night though – I forgot how much I liked reading. I suppose having a good book to read is half the battle.
Thankyou so much to those that reached out over the last few days. You have no idea how much it meant. Of course those closest to me in the real world had no idea I was down – because we put on a brave face, don’t we – we keep putting one foot in front of the other, we keep up appearances, do what everybody expects, and keep on keeping on.