Burning the Candle at Both Ends

I’m sitting in the dark of the study, surrounded by half-filled boxes of material, sewing, knitting, and the various bits and bobs associated with those activities. My other half is up to her ears in half-sewn costumes for an impending dance show in town. She gets arm twisted each year by the local dance teacher to make various dresses, shirts, cloaks, and whatever else for a small army of children to wear for their one night of fame. Fame in our little town, anyway.

I’m tired. Properly tired. It turns out working all day, then coming home and working all evening gets to you after a few days. As soon as I’ve written this I’ll switch the computer off, clear the kitchen, then go to bed.

I haven’t done anything this evening, other than spend half an hour on the phone with my Dad (who somehow managed to lock himself out of his own computer). Technical support is somewhat challenging when you don’t trust the story you’re being told, and you can’t see the computer in question. After dinner I sat with our eldest and watched another episode of Game of Thrones – she’s just finished Season 7 after a marathon trek over the last several weeks. It’s been mightily confusing – watching previous seasons with her and then watching the new episodes as they land.

Anyway.

Enough about work, and chores, and being tired, and all the other things. It’s the weekend! Time to relax, kick back, and do as little as possible. Except of course I won’t be doing that. I’ve promised to at least try and progress some work things over the weekend – and seeing as we are out all of Sunday with the rugby club, that leaves tomorrow.

If you made it this far through this post, I’m surprised. I’ve had nothing really to write about all week – other than software development challenges, and the feeling that I’ve had enough of everything. It’s funny – the whole “negative thoughts” thing – while cycling home this evening I was listening to WTF – Marc Maron’s podcast. He talked about having no children, and life on his own – the strange sort of mania that being on your own can cause. I found myself wondering what life would have been like had I not met my other half – not got married – not had the children.

Then I started wondering how different people’s outlook is – between those that have no children, and those that live in a world of family chaos. Does each group look down on the other group? Do they judge each other? I try not to judge anybody, but will admit to silently seething when single people say or do thoughtless things – but then you realise they don’t know any better, because they don’t spend all day putting their children’s needs ahead of their own.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have gone to work with a packed lunch made of questionable rubbish – the crusts from the end of loaves, the cheese that nobody else would touch, or the leftovers of some meal or other from earlier in the week. Of course I made sure the children went to school with apples, oranges, perfectly made rolls, crisps, snack bars – you name it – I didn’t have it.

I’ve already written “anyway”. This post kind of got away from me. I used to write these introspective brain dumps all the time – now I only seem to do it while standing at some kind of tiredness induced precipice.

Don’t listen to me. It’s the weekend. Go have fun.

7 thoughts on “Burning the Candle at Both Ends

  1. The weekend…when the hard labor begins. I started mine off by helping the 91-yo with a shower, putting on lotion, drying her hair, and getting dressed. Then I changed the sheets on her bed. I should be in the kitchen washing the dinner dishes but its 9pm and I. Just. Can’t. Mom gets ready for bed at 10pm and that’s when I will at least rinse everything. The washer just finished so I will drag myself up off the couch, move load 1 to the dryer and start load 2.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m technically single by form filing standards (well for a few more weeks anyway) but I certainly question whether or not I’m cut out for children – in the future that is, when I’m financially and mentally more stable, and uh, geographically too I suppose! But even with all that in place, I think I’m too selfish. I’ve read your blog for a while and I think it’s brilliant how thoughtful you’ve always been to your daughters needs. πŸ’š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The funny thing is you don’t think of yourself as thoughtful while in the middle of it all. You just do what needs to be done. Of course not everybody works the same way – and that’s how some children end up in the care system. It’s the old saying, isn’t it – that the harder we work, the luckier we get (which I might rephrase as “there’s no such thing as luck”).

      Like

  3. When I get bogged down with this sort of thing I have this irrational fantasy of having a week on, week off from family life. Like some divorced people have when the kids are with the other parent for a time.

    This is of course not an accurate picture of what goes on with people of divorce, as these ‘weeks off’ from family life never are quite as idyllic as they may appear to be, to me, when I’m deep in the trenches myself. Probably. But I don’t know…I’m not in that situation.

    It would be interesting to post this question to the divorced/dating followers on my/our blogs and see what they say…Maybe I’ll come up with a blog post on this one day.

    I don’t have any answers. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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