Self Doubt

Buried deep beneath the layers of fake confidence I have covered myself with over the years, I’m really still the same little boy that watched all the popular kids from a distance in the playground. The thing that continues to surprise me – as an adult – is how quickly the carefully constructed facade falls away, and the triggers that cause it to do so.

This week I reached out to somebody I hadn’t seen anything from for a few days – to find out if they were ok. I heard nothing back. Any normal person would perhaps double down their efforts – and become worried that there really was something wrong – that they might help. My first instinct is often the opposite – they are avoiding me – it’s something I’ve done – I’ve been ghosted – what did I do?

It’s ridiculous really. We are tiny bit parts in each other’s lives, and yet when something out of the ordinary happens, it’s like a loose thread has been pulled – a loose thread that results in my entire suit of armor falling to the floor.

I need to stop thinking quite so much, and perhaps step forward a little more often.

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