Life and Death

We watched the movie “Living” last night – the one that Bill Nighy was nominated at the Oscars for. Of course I say “we” – within half an hour the audience had reduced to just myself and my other half. Our middle daughter was working, our youngest had “busy plans”, and our eldest struggled gamely through that first half hour before giving up – claiming the movie wasn’t about anything.

She missed the point. We loved it.

I’ve written at length in the past about the endless treadmill – about the continual routine – about the mundanity of it all. I’ve even boasted about becoming good at it – good at the continual lifting of one foot to place in front of the other. The continual trudge.

The story hit home. Witnessing somebody approaching their reckoning and desperately wanting to have fun but having forgotten how to was by equal measures supremely awkward, sad, funny, gut wrenching, and kind of wonderful – all at the same time.

Today I received word that a friend had died.

A friend from the internet.

We never met “in real life”, but we had read and commented on each other’s blog posts for years. Nearly twenty years.

It’s funny – how you get to know somebody through their words, thoughts, ideas, and stories. I knew her better than many I have known throughout my life. When you only know somebody through the internet, you kind of become a second-hand auteur – watching the daily rushes of their life. A bit like Christof in The Truman Show. People often share more in a blog than they might with family and friends – we get to share their story in a sort of confidence.

She was an expert story teller, and a force of nature.

I will miss her more than I admit.

I will think of her often.

I will also try to live a little. Try to push back expectations and obligations, reach out to friends, and remind myself that the clock is ticking.