Royal Wedding Mania Descends

It’s all kicking off finally. In a few days time Prince William will be marrying Catherine Middleton. To not know this, you would have to have been buried under a rock for the last couple of years. Television over the easter weekend has been jam-packed with every movie involving princes, princesses, and/or weddings available. The newspapers are regurgitating any and all news they can find from each other (kind of a recursive game of chinese whispers).

The reason the newspapers have nothing to print is because they’ve already been warned about intrusion. Days after news of the engagement, press broke into the grounds of the Middleton family’s home, and began following her parents. In the last week their entire family history has been poured over on television, with any and all distant relations being interviewed, probed, and poked at.

I notice in this morning’s variously vacuous “style” sections, Kate is being criticised for buying off-the-peg clothes from normal stores for her honeymoon. How dare she not have a personal stylist, shopper, and designer working for her. She was even criticised for buying cheap items. This has cheered me up no endif we end up with a pop culture icon who buys her clothes from the same stores as everybody else, it makes her image attainable for the people who will inevitably look up to her. Lets hope magazines are fined heavily if they photoshop her image at all.

As I write this, W is busy dropping notes through all the neighbours doors inviting them to have a picnic on the green outside our houses to celebrate the wedding of our future monarch. It’s a good job it’s not me doing itI would have appended notes to a few of the houses; “please don’t throw your usual scraps on the green that cause rats, seagulls, and various other vermin that annoy all the other neighbours for a few days”, “please don’t pour petrol down the drains this week while you’re fixing your car”, “please don’t let your dog shit all over the green like you usually do for the next few days”, and “if you don’t keep your insane dog on a lead next weekend (unlike last week when it went berserk chasing anybody and anything), we will report you immediately to the authorities”.