The Desk of Holding

I saw the meme “TMI Tuesday” earlier on somebody elses Tumblog, and it neatly solved the question of “what pointless garbage can I share with the tumblr community today”.The seemingly easy question then evolved into “what constitutes too much Information?”. After a little thought, I discounted anything about the spiderman costume, or the mating habits of tractors, and ended up with the following;

The Encyclopedic Listing of “Stuff on my Desk”

(looking from left to right)

Empty glass The glass has been there since before Christmas. Given it’s seeming relectance to culture a new life form, I added a spoon to it this morning from the cup of green tea I made. The jury is still out on green tea - most of my colleagues are drinking it, but I’m sticking to instant coffee like some kind of caffeine luddite.

Samsung Telephone Typical desk issue work telephone. Has a liquid crystal display, a piece of card slotted up the side that somebody wrote meaningful things on ten years ago (which neatly coincides with the last time anybody knew how all the buttons worked on it). My knowledge of it extends as far as picking it up when it makes noise, and pressing 9 before calling home.

Action-Man Mug Won at the infant school summer fete last year. The logo on the mug is the 1970s style “Action Man” logo, which might mean the mug is worth a considerable sum of money. I’m guessing it was probably made at Caf Press by somebody who then realised the print quality was garbage.

Blackberry My pathetic excuse for a mobile phone. I cancall people on it, so at least it’s better than an iPhone 4 in that respect, and it lasts for several days on a single charge. The browser, camera, and applications for it are all unspeakably rubbish however, which explains why I will be throwing it at the floor (in the style of the printer scene in Office Space) when the contract comes up for renewal.

Desktop screen and keyboard Once upon a time this desktop machine was really rather good. Compared to must home computers, it’s still good if all you want to do is run Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2010 in virtual machines all day. Oh sorry, I forgot - we’re not supposed to install Empire Total War at work

Helpdesk Mousemat I had worked here for several years before somebody pointed out to me the unintended humour in the company mousemats that we give away to clients. Behind the phone number of the helpdesk, there is a photo of several skydivers laughing it up while they plummet to their death.

Pen Tidy I’m sure the idea of the pen tidy is to make your desk efficient, productive, and well, tidy. Mine is just somewhere to store all the pens I shouldn’t really have, but seem to have congregated. I certainly don’t recall stealing them from other people’s desks. Perhaps in the night they switch music on, and dance around their handbags or something?

Deodorant I smell. This makes me smell of nicer stuff than myself. If television advertising could be believed, the only reason for wearing deodorant is to make men or women fall at your feet. Given that there’s only one girl on the development team, and nearly all the guys are married you can see where I’m going with this lets just agree that I smell.

Laptop Yes, I have two computers here. Laptop goes on-site with me, can just about do the same job as the desktop (with a little wheezing and coughing), but otherwise sits in the corner of the desk all day with Outlook running just far enough away not to annoy the hell out of me. If I pull the plug on it, it’s lucky to last a minute on it’s laughably pathetic battery.

Photos of my children Lined up along the end of the desk are a selection of photos of the children. I’ve been meaning to replace them for some time - which will no doubt result in colleagues stopping to express their surprise at “how much they’ve grown”. The photo frames were decorated by the kids too - hence why they have pink butterflies, flowers and fairies all over them.

What’s on YOUR desk?