The Early Hours

The clock ticked past midnight over an hour ago. I’m sitting in the dark of the junk room on my own – the rest of the house fell into silence some time ago after everybody else went to bed.

I busied myself for a time with picking up after the rest of the family – putting things away, filling the dishwasher, the usual chores.

Life feels so much like a treadmill at the moment – like a continual procession of doing the right thing for the right people at the right time. It all feels like such a performance.

What is it we tell ourselves to wallpaper over it all? Tomorrow is another day? Something like that? Every day is another day though, isn’t it – another day filled with much the same.

We repeat trite phrases to ourselves about becoming the change we wish to see, or living in the moment. Those sentiments always seem to ignore the silent majority that have to deal with the carnage and chaos caused by those that make decisions and plans.

It would be wonderful though, wouldn’t it – to ignore all the pre-conditions and chase a dream – no matter how small. Just for a few moments.

Perhaps the smallest of decisions are sometimes portents. Small favors. Kindnesses. Reaching out to a friend to ask about their day. Stopping to listen. Giving time.

Perhaps the universe knows. Perhaps we do too – if we’re honest with ourselves. Perhaps we need to drop the daily act from time to time and ask ourselves what we’re really doing – what we’re really saying.


An Early Morning Walk

Last night I had checked the weather forecast and planned a walk down to the ocean in the early morning sunshine. While the weather failed to cooperate, a little after breakfast I still found myself on the beach. The route follows a couple of miles through quiet lanes and farm tracks – I didn’t see a single soul.

After wandering the beach for twenty minutes or so I walked home – and grinned while approaching the house that it was still not 9am. How time doesn’t fly when you’re away from the usual chaos and mayhem of family life.

While at the beach I remembered years past – visiting with friends and family – and wondered how many generations have done the same. The ocean slowly reclaims the coast. I have read accounts of a small parish here that vanished beneath the waves perhaps a hundred years ago – of a village green with dancing and music in the summer. All of it long gone. I looked out on the slow rolling waves and wondered if they remember.

When I was young there was a cottage on one side of the bay – it’s remains are now long gone – the cliff it once stood on shattered among the strata that breaking waves now wash smooth.

Time is a strange thing. We are here for moments, and we leave little behind. I found myself wondering what the lives of the people that onced danced on that village green were like. What they yearned for and what made them happy. I wondered if they might have really been that different than generations past or yet to come.


It’s probably coffee o’clock. And time to ask my Dad what he might like for lunch.


A Few Minutes

I’m grabbing a few minutes from my day to empty my head into the keyboard. If I don’t do it now, something will crop up, and it won’t happen.

Work has been busy this week – and while it helps to make the working day fly past, it’s also pretty draining. Thinking on your feet all day writing source code, responding to emails, and having endless technical conversations leaves very little of you by the end of the day.

I can’t remember the last time I talked to any friends – either online, or otherwise.

It’s funny – while I might occasionally think of myself as a boat of sorts – floating along and bumping into other boats along the way, sometimes I notice other people living their life – getting on – making their way in the world – and kind of feel a bit left out. I guess everybody feels it from time to time.

Maybe it’s the time of year. Maybe when the sun comes out, and I wander down to the park in the centre of town for a coffee my thoughts will turn around. For the moment though, life seems tremendously narrow.

Maybe I just need to get out there running again.