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Life

I’m Coming Too

I meant to write something late last night. I got as far as writing “it’s half past midnight”, but somehow didn’t get any further.

My mental batteries are drained. I’ve been working on software development projects for the last week. It’s not easy to switch off – you turn over problems in the back of your mind late at night – or at least I do.

I need to get out of the house tomorrow – perhaps an early morning run. Anything really.

The world around us is slowly locking down again – caused by the legions of idiots that surround us. My other half forgot to take her lunch to work this morning, so I wandered up to the school via a service station that has a bakery on-site. While standing in the socially distanced queue with my mask on, I noticed the elderly man in front of me was not wearing a mask. There were signs everywhere instructing everybody to wear masks. He took no notice.

The internet connection is still dropping out all the time at home – we have had little or no internet for a week now. I’m relying on my work phone acting as a hot-spot to check email. There is a call open with our internet service provider, but no news so far. The kids are going out of their mind – deprived of YouTube and Tiktok.

Tomorrow may be all about books, cups of tea, and board games. If the weather is nice, perhaps a long walk away from everybody and everything – well, apart from the kids. I’m pretty sure if I announced “I’m going for a walk – I need some space for a bit”, at least two of them would shout “I’m coming too”…

Categories
Life

A Small Cog in an Enormous Machine

I feel a bit like a small cog in an enormous machine at the moment – going round and round, slowly becoming worn, and not going anywhere. I’m sure that’s a metaphor for something or other, but can’t be bothered to connect the dots.

After a spectacular thunderstorm last night, the temperature has finally dropped, bringing an end to the run of hot humid days. Shortly after the sky lit up and the clouds crashed towards the ground, one of our cats ran off into the darkness. We kept the door open for some time, but suspect he has a variety of places where he hides from the world. He re-appeared this morning – sitting in the middle of the kitchen, patiently waiting for somebody to fill his food bowl.

Our other cat – the massive ginger tabby – hid inside the back of the sofa. He’s always been scared of thunder and lightning. I didn’t even know he could still fit through the gap in the stitching.

We didn’t get to bed until perhaps 2am, and then of course I had to get up for work this morning. At least the commute is short at the moment… about five yards from the bathroom, and ten yards from the kitchen.

I’m not entirely sure how I got through the day. Perhaps an early night would be a good idea. We know I’m going to still be here, noodling around with the computer at midnight though, don’t we.

Categories
Life

Slogging

Today was difficult. The design of something I have been working through for the last few days got ripped out from under my feet, and changed – causing a lot of re-work. I guess this is the reality of not wearing all the hats on a project. Not fun.

Anyway – I’m not supposed to write about work. It’s probably unprofessional. I need to learn about not being the project owner, and letting go – not worrying about timescales, deadlines, budgets, and outcomes. All I can really do is my best.

It took three (small) glasses of wine this evening to realise that all I can do is my best.

I’m now sitting in the junk room listening to loud music, and writing this. While writing, I’m downloading a load of music to put on the music system I inherited from our daughters. They are all decorating their rooms, which means I inherit everything they no longer want. I wonder if they’ll realise at some point that a music system sounds FAR better than a mobile phone ?

After I write this I’m going to get into a pretend aeroplane, and go for a fly. It helps take my mind off things.

I wonder if we have any chocolate anywhere? And I wonder how far I might run in the morning ?

Categories
Life

Surviving the Day

I started the day with an empty page in my bullet journal, and filled it with tasks as the day went on – the kinds of things you would expect after being out of the loop for a couple of weeks – timesheets to fill out, documents to read, emails to reply to, calls to make.

I admitted to somebody towards the end of the day that I really hadn’t been looking forward to returning, and couldn’t really explain why. I suppose I had grown used to the slower pace of life – it turns out sitting on your arse all day and getting nothing much done is strangely addictive.

I talked to my other half this evening about feeling trapped – stuck in a job that I don’t always like as much as I once did, but having no exit route. I pay the majority of the bills. I keep a roof over our head. I can’t take chances.

Anyway.

I’ve already promised myself to go for a run before work in the morning. Another step back towards normality. I’ll have to get back on the bike again soon too – perhaps alternate running and cycling each day.

I survived the day. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I got over myself. Go me. I’m now sitting in the dark of the study, wondering about heading to bed soon, listening to Cutting Crew on Spotify. Every time I hear it now, I think of the scene in LEGO Batman when Bruce Wayne meets Barbara Gordon for the first time.

Categories
Life

Not Feeling It

I got up this morning and went for a run, after not running for the last two days. I got up half an hour later than I should have, both my knees hurt when I started out, one of my feet went dead after a couple of miles, a tendon started to hurt a mile after that.

You know how you sometimes start to wonder “why am I even doing this?”.

I carried on though, and called it a day a little way from home – walking the last quarter of a mile. I’m kind of glad I carried on, and also amused at my own idiocy.

I took my phone for the run and recorded it on Strava. I’ve realised the main benefit of Strava isn’t to push me to go faster or further – it’s to guilt me into not stopping, because other people will see it.

After getting home, I dragged myself into the shower, and then got dressed. In a few minutes I’m walking back into town with my better half to get a birthday present for her Mum. She ran into the study panic-stricken last night, having forgotten her Mum’s birthday. Guess who was washing up baking tins at midnight last night ?

Anyway. Remind me to get some toothpaste in town – I ran out this morning.